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Okay, so lately, I've been thinking. It's crazy how friendships can either water you, drain you or mold you. My relationships with people are important to me, but for the past few years, I've been practicing boundaries and the art of letting go. Some of my friendships have dwindled after this. Some even taught me valuable lessons about life and dealing with people.
One thing I've noticed, is that everyone wants to be heard and understood. Sometimes friends are even our therapy. I can say that I am certainly grateful for all the people who I encounter who do actually show up for me unconditionally. But what happens when you start to realize... maybe you guys were friends because you shared trauma? Or like, what if you were friends because you wanted to try to help fix someone? What if you wanted to try to fix someone because you felt like that's what you would want someone to do for you? I guess that'd be acting in your love language?
I think the most craziest thing about life is how you can come in contact with so many different people and experience so many different energies and then suddenly your reality is altered. Suddenly, people become memories and some have kids, some get married, some end up on the news, some end up famous, and some end up being the complete opposite of who they were when you first met them.
As we grow older, I'm realizing that our childhood played a big part in who we all are today. Like everyday is about healing and breaking generational curses. And ever since I realized that, it's like I can't unsee nothing! I'm just out here noticing all the issues that are seemingly weighing heavy on not just me, but everyone else. From our finances, to our family, our race, the way we were talked to as children. It's all linked to how we choose to express ourselves today. And once I finally have time to breath... BOOM, a new level... and there's a new devil and new friends. Then you've gotta do it all again. The freaking game of life. The survival of the most woke?! hahaha. That's what it feels like.
After my mother's untimely death, is when I decided to start doing the work. Actually, I really didn't have a choice. I had to lose my cool and act a fool on more than one occasion. I lost a lot of relationships during that time. Some are missed and some are behind me for the better. But sheesh at this point in life, I don't even give a damn. If changing my association brings me peace... then so be it!
Sometimes I feel so crazy because I will look at myself 6 months ago and smh. Sometimes I'm even embarrassed, like girl... why?! Lol But honestly, the reoccurring theme seems to be reverting back to the little girl inside of me. After spending years of not putting that little girls needs first... CHILE, I realized I needed a lot of work with breaking habits. After I realized, I, myself deserved so much better in every aspect of life, my favorite word became, NO! hahahahaha. I started forgiving myself. I used to get mad at myself like, "you know better!" but did I really?! Just when I thought I had it all figured out... I realized I needed to start giving myself hella grace.
How are y'all dealing with life and friendships?
Below is a video I came across that definitely can explain how I felt.
If yall feel what I'm saying... check it out.
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Nashaya
July 13, 2022
I love you , I really enjoyed reading this & you are just one of the most amazing & genuine person in my life. I see you ask how is life & friendships well, my life been stressful & scary as you know & I can definitely say as I’m going through this obstacle in my life it really change me for the better I’m not all the way there but it made me realize a lot of things in life like, you gotta be thankful for everything you have & I just see everything different now I notice a lot of things & will forever remain humble because I know I could have less. I will always be grateful because I know I could have less. ppl are just crazy now days & sometimes the bad things happen in our life put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us so I just try my best to think positive & just pray sooo.. about friendship I don’t really even know like I feel like I always have people back & when I need someone to have my back it seems like no one is never there I feel like I deserve the love I keep trying to give everyone else & friendships isn’t about like who you knew the longest or anything it’s about who stayed & prove that they have your back so I don’t really know about friends at this moment I just been distant from some people because I hate weird vibes it drives me crazy I’m honestly waiting to find that true friend but I just feel like I carry so much love in my heart & try to make everyone else happy make sure everyone else is good.