This past week has been a doozy. I've experienced every type of emotion you could ever experience in just 7 days. I started out grieving. Then that lead to being sad, then that lead to being angry, then that lead to silence... which ultimately lead to isolation. I wanted to give up on everything and everybody over and over. I had a little talk with the man upstairs a few times before going to bed frustrated. I couldn't understand how everything could be going so good and then I just start to lose hope out of no where. With inflation being high and bills being due... chile, when do we even have time to breath and actually enjoy the life we were "meant" to live? I started thinking what is the reason?! Like really why are you here?!
I didn't quite get the answer until I realized maybe I was just burnt out. Maybe I just needed a break. Like, don't we all?! I had absolutely NO energy to do a thing. Then I realized, "girl, you've got to eat!" So I did. Then that lead to me changing my diet. I decided I needed foods that would support my mood. Although I love me some buffalo wings, fried extra crispy with lemon pepper sprinkles... That isn't necessarily the food I should be consuming. Well... because apparently eating chicken leads to depression and anger issues (look it up. If I'm lying, I'm flying).
SO, just like everything else in life, what you consume plays a big part in your everyday lifestyle. That's mentally, physically and emotionally. Somedays I'm feigning just to get a taste of the crispy, greasy, juicy devil of a meat and others I'm juicing fruits and veggies. But like anything else, you have to let it go slowly. Just a little at a time. This made me think about the roller coaster of emotions I had felt all week. Aside from hormones, I realized I needed to just BREATH. Take one step at a time. So I went out with my homegirl. We ate vegan burgers (how vegan are they though? :/ lol) and enjoyed a block party/concert to take our mind off the stress of tomorrow. That's when I realized, all I had to do was get dressed and do my hair. I got up to look in the mirror and said "who is sheee?! A BADDIE. That's who!" Once I put on my perfume and oiled down my skin (with homegirls homegrown organic cutie oil, of course *hehehe*), I was on the scene and all eyes were on me and my homegirl. With our heads held high we walked through the crowd as if we weren't just going through something... well as if I wasn't going through something. Nobody was asking "why are you here?". Instead, we looked like we belonged there. Seats were given to us to relax, drinks, and even shelter when it started to rain. We didn't ask for a single thing. We simply demanded it with just our presence alone.
Being triggered is sometimes involuntary. That means that it's just an unconscious response to something that we can not control. The key to controlling this is having compassion for YOURSELF. Confidence is key. Feeling your emotions is key. Not letting them define you is key. Being okay with being yourself is key. Association is key. Yes, I had confidence that God would pull me out of that little dark place I was in because he had done it so many times before... but I'm not gonna lie, I didn't always feel that way. I made sure that I surrounded myself with compassionate people who would help lift me up and even laugh with me when things weren't funny.
Things aren't always gonna go how we imagined them to. But that's okay. I realized you cant stop. You can take breaks... but GIRL, you can NOT stop. The road your on may lead you to a different outcome then you expected, but it may be even better than what'd you'd hope for. And on those days where you don't feel like being "The Baddest Puta"... well, as our good sis Rih Rih would say, PRETEND!
Because this too shall pass... and because, girl, your simply not the only one out here pretending. So, nobody has to know!
Get up… look exhaustion, depression and grief in the face and ask "H*E why is you here?!" because one thing about it...we're not going backwards. The world will keep spinning whether you want it to or not. So are you gonna let life beat you down. Or do you have hands?! lol Exactly, STAND UP!
Keep it going. Stay hydrated, because it's only up from here.
But homegirls, please tell me I haven't been the only one experiencing this roller coaster ride. How did you guys spend your week? What are some things you do to shake off those feelings of self doubt? and what are some healthy eating habits you've found works best for you?
